I Have To Ask

How is it that our flaws can be accepted?

When we have yet to make peace with them

Staring in the full length mirror

Just underwear on

Going from bottom to top

Mentally fixing

Counting what could be fixed too

Ten, eleven,….

Self-hate rising to the occasion

‘I never want to see a box of pizza again’


How did I get here?

Three years out of school now

Interviews by the dozen

‘We’ll get back to you’

Disgraceful loans from the parents

While living rent-free

Oh the glory days

Bought all the rounds

Girls clung fiercely

Some even agreed to share


How do children grow so quickly?

Weren’t we just wondering when she would walk?

Then she said her first word


I had hoped it would be my name

As if that mattered

So many cakes and fabric swatches to choose from

I watch as she makes decisions with him

Grown woman

My baby still


How could you do this to me?

I gave everything

You said you wanted luxury

So I built an empire

Made you queen of our home

Our cold home

Then I asked for children

‘Will you stop bringing it up?’

Wish I had

‘The cleaners’ is exactly right


How many good surprises will I get?

I grew up not expecting

Always hoping

Working tirelessly to get out

‘You will end up just like me’

Moved far away from that toxic place

I have all I ever dreamed of

A successful career

Used to think it was too much to ask

How times have changed.


5 thoughts on “I Have To Ask


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